The looked bigger tonight, though it was very dark. I expected this to be quick, awkward, non-orgasmic sex for her, but she surprised me there, too. She started panting at some point and made shrill, wheezy breaths. I felt her getting wetter. At some point she was regular enough in her gasping that I thought Kat and her bf were definitely awake by now. The TV was still going and I remember some cheesy musical jingle preceding her louder, more conventional moans. I was watching her tits this whole time.Kat finally let go of my hands and did the back arching thing again. Now was my time: I grabbed her waist and straddled her. Her upper body got tense and rigid. She hyperventilated like nothing I’d ever heard. Her thighs bucked around my waist. She made a series of loud, heavenly shrieks and I felt wet tightness hugging my cock. I half-expected someone to poke their head out of the next room, but nobody did. I was close, but my senses were dulled from the booze and from fucking. I took a couple of shots and began to find my situation quite funny.I put some music on and cried along with Sinead O’Connor as she wailed that nothing compares to you. I choked on my tears when Amy Winehouse and I went back to black. And I launched into full hysterics when Morrissey whined that he knew it was over. It was all over.My vodka and my sanity was dwindling right around the time Barry Manilow came up on my shuffle. “Can’t Smile Without You” blared out of my stereo and I sang right along, treating my bottle like a microphone and kicking my legs to the beat.Right around that time I heard my neighbor banging on the wall, telling me to shut the hell up.After I hobbled over to my iPod and disconnected it, I collapsed on my sofa and let the real hurt trickle in.Of all the songs I played, The Smiths hit the nail on the head: I knew it was over, and it never really began, but in my heart? It was so fucking real.And now I was so fucking lost.“So what brings you here today?”I stared.
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